My kids are the sweetest ever. I am going to share some of the cute things they have been saying.
Last week Colby was in his room playing with his trains and I needed to shopping for some of the things we picked off our ward angel tree. When I told him we were headed to the store and it was time to clean up he was mad. He hates going to the store, not sure why because when we go he is a good boy but he is our little home body. He just likes to be home. He asked if he could go to the neighbors while I went. Normally that would have been fine, but I wanted the kids to help pick things out, and it was a teaching opportunity for me. I sat him down and told him why we were shopping for these kids, I wanted his help to pick out the perfect gifts and it was a great little talk. I went downstairs to do Molly's hair and asked him to get his shoes on. A few minutes later he came downstairs with his piggy. I asked him what he was doing with it and he said, "here mom you can have some of my monies." I said, "what for buddy." "So you can give it to the kids that don't have monies." What a sweet guy!
A few days ago I asked him to go get dressed. He went up stairs and brought me a shirt and pair of pants. With a sad pouty face he handed me his shirt and said, I can't wear this shirt anymore mom you can keep it." I took it from him and unfolded it. It was his shirt that said BIG BROTHER on it. The shirt that he usually wanted to wear every single day. My heart broke when he told me he couldn't wear it anymore because his baby was dead and he is not a big brother. It was also a great teaching opportunity for me. I was able to talk to him again about Families and the Plan of Salvation. That he will always be the big brother to our sweet Hunter.
Me neighbor, who's name is Megan and who had a baby boy the same day I delivered our baby, came to give us their Christmas card. My kids tore it open and were looking at the picture. She has 2 other kids that my kids play with all the time but I don't think they realized they had a baby. Molly asked if that was our baby. I told her it was not. I told her Kai and Ellie have a new baby brother. Colby got really mad then said, " that's not fair, I can't wait till we can have a baby that is not dead." Some days I just don't know what to say to me kids. Their little hearts are as broken as mine. A lot of times I can teach them things but some times I feel the same way as Colby. It doesn't seem fair. We are surrounded by pregnant people and families with new babies. (I am not angry at them, I am truly happy for them.) It just makes it harder. I see them and it feels like someone poured salt in my gaping wound. Every time I see someone that is pregnant my heart sinks and I can't help but cry. I know with time this will get easier.
Molly has also been so sweet when it comes to this topic. She always wants to talk about the baby. She is worried about him being cold in the ground and how she wishes he could come home to our warm comfy house. She always talks about how she thinks our baby would have loved to play cars, and trains with us. She gave her first talk in Primary this week and it was on The Son of God. After we came home from church she told us how happy Heavenly Father must be to have his baby back. She is right I can only imagine how happy our Father in Heaven is when his children return home to Him.
With Christmas being just around the corner, and being on the go almost every day, I am grateful for these opportunities that slow us down. To help us teach our children why we are here and why we go through trials, but that Christ suffered for all of us. I have never felt the Saviors love for me more than I have this past month. I am grateful for this time of year to focus our thoughts on Christ. Merry Christmas to all of you.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Posted by Aaron and Megan at 8:12 AM
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3 comments:
Megan, Molly and Colby have such tender hearts! And their love for Hunter extends into the eternities. All of your children are precious!
The gospel brings such comfort, and yet no knowledge can cushion the full impact of the pain of day to day living while waiting to be reunited with loved ones. Peace is real; the Comforter is real; but so, too, is the reality of having to live on the earth and having to get up every day, continuing in faith while being subject to the mundane, all the while not being able to be with lost loved ones now.
Two years ago I went through a long phase of fighting back tears of jealousy and anger at the news of someone being pregnant or giving birth to a healthy baby. I don't think I was jealous of their babies, just of the stark contrast in our situations--the fact that they could see, hear, feel, kiss, cuddle, and raise their babies while I could not hold my own. I know it is different for every mother and family, even when there are far too many similarities in the losses, but in my situation I felt guilty for feeling angry and had a really hard time genuinely feeling joy for others' fortunate circumstances, because (like you said) it is impossible to see other precious babies and not be reminded of your own. With my testimony of the Plan of Salvation and Christ's eternal redemptive role, I felt perhaps that the grief I was facing was inexcusable, that there needed to be a time limit to my sorrow in order to be able to "move on". I admit that it has gotten easier to get up, get out of bed, and serve others as the months have rolled on. But I also freely admit that my tender feelings of being a mother allow me to break down in tears when provoked by a whole range of situational and emotional triggers. And I am finally beginning to feel that not only is that okay, but a testament to how much I love Jonas and Georgia and to how much Christ's Atonement and Resurrection mean to me.
Elder Shane M. Bowen's talk he gave this past October General Conference finally validated what I had felt was true since the passing of our twins: happiness is possible; joy is possible and awaits us here and now; no fullness of joy will come until we are all together again. The love and peace I felt holding my own baby two years later, though wonderful, did not erase the heartache and longing I still feel when thinking about our twins. It reaffirmed my love for all our children, seen and unseen. I still think of our twins every day, and they are the first spirits with whom I want to be reunited when my time on earth draws to a close eventually.
Please know, Megan, that any feelings of grief you are undergoing are normal. You can be happy and sad at the same time. Continuing to acknowledge your precious baby boy today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life is okay. I wish I could visit you right now and hug you and sob with you and also cry tears of gratitude and joy with you. I love you!!!
What special moments. I'm glad you shared them. You are an amazing women, especially to be able to see the teaching moments in what would probably just drive me into sobbing tears. I'm glad you are recording these for your family, but I'm glad that I can come and read them and remember what is important as well. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for coming to visit me today. It was nice to hang out with just you and the kids. They are so stinking funny and so smart. Doesn't it just blow you away when they tell you such profound things?!
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