And so it continues....

I don't want to sound negative all the time and in fact I have been doing pretty well this last month with the loss of our baby. Aaron has done a great job at keeping me busy but also supporting my feelings and helping me deal with them. In January we celebrated Molly's 5 Birthday and our 6th anniversary, and they were both perfect!  However, the last couple days, (and I am sure the next few weeks to come) I have been struggling. The time is nearing when I should be having the baby and it is getting really hard. I feel like I am reliving the nightmare all over again. It is really hard for me to be around or see pregnant women and babies. I am happy for them but I get an overwhelming feeling of hate and anger come over me and I know better than to be hateful. I really am happy for all my friends, because I fully understand the miracle of bringing children into this world I guess I am just jealous. I honestly don't know if we will ever be blessed again to have another child, though our arms are literally aching for more. To top it off (and what I think got me in this mood) for the last 2 days I have received this in the mail and it is like pouring salt in the gaping wound.

I got rid of this as quickly as it came in, but I can't bring myself to check the mail anymore. Who sends out my info to get this stuff anyways, hospital, doctors, insurance? I don't know but really? I never got this stuff when I delivered healthy living children so why now? Not to mention all the other coupons and things we are getting in the mail for a baby. Sigh